I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
