You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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