You smell like stripper and shame
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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