Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
