Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
