if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
