I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
