So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
