Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
