May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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