Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
