Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
