you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
