This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
