Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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