he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
