definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
