There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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