Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
