How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize