I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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