all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
