Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
