My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
