Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dear god my vagina.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
