dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
