Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
