I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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