I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
