i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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