i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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