lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
