dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
