She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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