I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
