Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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