White coat. Heels.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
