imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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