covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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