I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
