fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
