I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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