i think my tv is drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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