i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
