oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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