I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
