Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
