her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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