My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Welp...herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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