Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize