the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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