FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
