just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
