Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
