Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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