just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
