Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
