VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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