at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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