I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
