My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
