listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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