I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
