apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
