On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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