I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
