No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize