i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
