my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he puts the penis in happiness.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
