dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
