Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
