I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
