You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
