You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
