3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
